My first of these birthday articles was when my daughter turned seven. She was my first baby and the title of the article was “Our Birthday”. This is that very short first article.
“Today my daughter is seven years old. It’s her birthday, but it’s also an anniversary for my husband and me. It’s the anniversary of when we first became parents.
I look at this picture and remember the night of her birth so clearly, but not really. It’s hard to reconcile the image of this beautiful and funny little girl in front of me now with the squishy red newborn in this picture.
These birthdays remind me more and more to cherish the days with my children as they are; even the frustrating, exhausting and messy ones.
Becoming a parent was the most dazzlingly sweet and humbling experience of my life. I look forward to more birthdays and will keep up the struggle of remembering the ones that have passed.
Some advice I can offer if your memory is impaired as mine is, is to remember somehow. Journaling, photos, videos, blogging, whatever works for you to help you trigger the moments passed. Someday you will thank yourself for it.
I love you, Ava! Happy birthday. Thank you for being my daughter.”
The day she was born was the day of her birth, but it was also a birth for me. I became a mother that day. This year’s birthday marks the 18th anniversary of that becoming. Maybe I can say it was bittersweet. I want to say it just felt hard, but I guess in some ways it was sweet. It was sweet because she is an amazing human being.
I have to remind myself to recognize that when I see my kids growing up so fast, when I want to freeze time because I feel desperately sad at the loss of their childhood. I remind myself that there is a lot more to come, and that what comes next is what they will actually remember best. I know that a lot of my memories from childhood are fuzzy. I don’t remember if my mom ever made my school lunches or when she stopped. I have only a very few vague memories of being tucked in to bed. I remember being mothered when I was sick and some of the bigger milestone moments, but that’s most of it.
I remember a lot more after that. I remember when my parents came to visit me at college and our family holidays and vacations. I remember the wedding they created for me and how much they showed up for me when I became a mother.
As my kids grow up, and as I face my daughter’s graduation in just a couple of months, I will remember that. I will remember that for my kids, the memorable stuff is yet to come.
Ava will be going to my alma mater this fall. I looked it up, and alma mater literally means “nourishing/bounteous mother”. That feels so appropriate to me right now. I never wanted to push my school on her, but it’s local, and after visiting it a few times, she knew it was where she wanted to be. She worked so hard to make it happen. She has been an excellent student and has put in so much effort with volunteer work and jobs. She got a really good scholarship which made it just within her reach to accept the offer. It’s close to home, which is what she wanted. She’s not ready to leave the nest completely. I’m overjoyed that I don’t really have to say goodbye, although I tried to encourage her to look into any possibilities she might want to explore.
She’s hit some other big milestones since her last birthday. She became a licensed driver, and bought her first car. She saved the money to buy a car. She spent hours researching the best vehicles and asking advice to narrow down her options. Then she watched and waited for just the right one. It took several months, but she has a great car and is taking such good care of it.
She’s also overcome some big challenges. The biggest is a back injury. She started to complain of back pain last summer. She was doing basketball camps, pre-season cross country training, and working a very physical job at a dog kennel. She continued through the pain until it got so bad that she was forced to stop. An MRI showed the spine of a much older person. She had two herniated and one ruptured disc in her lumbar spine. The doctor was not surprised at the level of pain she was experiencing after seeing the scan.
It’s been an 8 month long journey of seeing doctors, physical therapists, acupuncturists and learning about any therapies to help with the pain and try to fix the damage. She’s improving, but very slowly. She struggles to see the progress and stay positive, but that hasn’t stopped her from doing her grueling physical therapy everyday and minimizing her activity until she’s better. She misses her job at the kennel, running, basketball, and simple things like going on a shopping trip that lasts more than 30 minutes.
To keep her spirits up, she spent a lot of time doing watercolor painting and has created some beautiful art. She has also been spending a lot of time refining her nail painting skills and has created some serious works of nail art! Being less mobile has meant lots of snuggle time with her soulmate, Bear the Chihuahua. She’s focusing a lot of time and energy on scholarship applications and finding a new job she can do with her physical limitations. I have no doubt that she will find something great, and that she will find a way to pay for her university with very little debt. She is so grounded and brilliant. I couldn’t be more proud of this girl….woman.
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